How to let love find you

Having been on HubPages for just shy of a day at the time of writing this, I notice how much articles are on here covering relationships, finding your perfect love, being the perfect lover... I could continue but you get the point. I don't know this for a fact, as in that I haven't actually conducted any research on this, but I think it is safe to assume that I could also fill my apartment of 23 m² with books on these subjects and still need another penthouse for the rest of them.

But is it really about finding love? In my experience - which I admit might be short compared to others, but I've seen my share of complicated relationships and situations leading up to those; or falling short of one, for that matter - it's about love finding you.

Answer this question honestly: Have you ever gone to a party, or a gathering of some kind, expecting to meet a person you actually want to be in a relationship with? And did you meet one? Chances are most of you answer this with a "no". Sure, you can pick up a one night stand in the club at any given time, but personally, I've never met someone relationship material when I went somewhere expecting it.

In short, the first thing I would like to set straight is the whole how to find the perfect love thing. I don't think there is such a thing as finding love. I think love finds you, and it hits you hard and fast.

So what about all these articles on being the perfect lover, how to win over the most beautiful girl in the world, how to improve your chances... Wait, that's actually a pretty good one! Why, you may ask? Let me lay that one out for you.

First of all, I do not think the perfect lover exists. Everyone has other needs and wants in a person, and you would need a 1000 faces to satisfy all of them (which some people try very hard to do none the less; they usually end up backstabbing one person trying to satisfy the other). There is also never a guarantee that you will win over the most beautiful girl in the world - which, by the way, is subjective as hell - but some things might help to improve your chances. These are things like being an easy talker but a good listener, being confident but not arrogant... you get the point; for more tips I will gladly refer you to all the Hubs in the gender and relationships topic to feast your eyes on. In short, it's not about being perfect; it's about living up to your potential. Tweak your circumstances.

So what is it with love finding you? Why isn't it easy to find love, even when tweaking away to the best of your capabilities? That's a hard one to answer just like that, but I have my own, personal theory.

Do you care what people think of you? I bet you do, even if you do not like to admit it. I sometimes like to think I'm my own person, not influenced by other people's thoughts, but there's always this itchy feeling in the back of your head, scratching away at your self confidence. Now, if you go somewhere hoping to find someone to be with, you want to impress. You want to say the right things. You want to look the right way. You want to move in a smooth way. See what I'm getting at? That's a hell of a lot to think about, even if it is subconsciously.

Now, think about a conversation that you couldn't care less about. Apart from the possible annoyance this might sprout, wasn't that a very easy conversation to uphold? You don't really care what you say, but the conversation just keeps going (which makes it even more annoying. Yeah... I've been there, too).

My point is, it is much easier to screw up things you have to think about than things that you just do out of habit. Trying to impress might look good from your point of view, but the other person might see you as someone trying too hard, trying to be the 1000 faces guy or girl. However, if you are this carefree, loose person, people don't see you trying; they see you being yourself. And that might just be the person they feel hugely attracted to.